The title seems like a real attention grabber, doesn’t it…the best ‘How To’ ever. But in all seriousness, this is a tough post for me, because my grandmother passed away last week. And after re-reading that last sentence in my head, I feel as if I shouldn’t put myself before my grandmother, but my grandmother always put myself before her so it’s nothing new. This post might also be a little longer than the others so please be patient because this is an important post regardless. I typically stay away from posting personal issues, but hopefully golfers of all abilities can learn from my experience of playing golf after losing a loved one. Here is a quick background:
Quick Background: My grandmother was the best grandmother you could ask for…if there was a maximum amount of love you could give someone, she gave ten times that and more to everyone…if love could be jealous, love would have been jealous of her! If love had a goal it would be working out with a poster of her on the wall. I could go on, but the most important thing you need to know is she made an impact on everyone she met. Her physical health had been deteriorating for years, but she was sharp as a tack, and getting sharper every day! She taught me, or passed down to me, depending on how you look at it, a stubbornness that not many possess. I love golf and had a stubbornness about it that my wife can attest to. That stubbornness that has led me to where I am today, and kept my grandmother alive through all her health problems. The other night, no amount of stubbornness could keep her alive. I found out the morning of a tournament that she was not going to make it long and was not going to wake up. I knew at that time that she wanted me to play golf no matter what and so I did, and during the course of that day and the next few days I learned a couple things. Here is what I learned:
1. The One Time Losing Doesn’t Help: You constantly hear how losing only makes you stronger. Who hasn’t seen that poster telling you if you get knocked down 7 times, you get up 8. That holds true for ‘losing’ other ways, not really this way. I got the call mid-round that my grandmother had passed away near where my parents live…I knew she was in the hospital before I played, but I didn’t know how much longer she would live. When I found out she passed I thought she would inspire me or lead me to victory. I felt like she was with me and going to guide me to the victory circle…how could it not! But that was far from the truth. Her memory and spirit left me too distracted to reach the winners circle and too distracted to swing a golf club. I proceeded to hit my next three shots in the worst manner possible. I topped a second shot into the next hole and I can’t tell you the last time I topped a shot…maybe 30 years or so. From this I learned that you can’t play golf for someone else or with someone else in mind. Well, you can, but that can’t be your focus. You must maintain your same state of focus (if that’s even possible) as you have always had, and instead just play the round in their honor. Easier said than done!
2. Life Goes On: This is probably the toughest lesson to learn, especially losing a loved one. You don’t want to move forward, you want to go back…you want to go back to talk to them, be with them, or heck play some golf with them. You miss them and all you want is to hear their voice one more time or just play one more hole. My grandmother was in my Favorites section of my phone…if she called I wanted to know! The sucky thing is I know I will remove that number from my phone and to be honest I don’t want to. I am afraid to and I’m afraid to admit that life goes on.
GolfTooter 